The last few days of spring cleaning almost killed me. I think im becoming so lazy recently that i can really laze on bed so mucha more than before and idk why.
& phew ~ spring cleaning for my room is almost done !! Im down with a bad cough and flu and doctor says that its allergy due t the dust and so. Im gonna visit baby tmr and i hope i can wake up on time, i just dont know how. But i really wanna be a good gf. Im trying hard boy, i hope you see the effort put in.


i think im gonna U-turn and laze on my bed again =/ lol !

its been ages since im blogging and im bored now. that's why!!

mom force me up like 10am today, and when she fail t do so, i became the next victim of shaun !!! HOW COOL!! both of em rumbling seriously loud int my ears like W-A-K-E-U-P-!-!-!-! awhhh ! i slept at 4am MOM !! wffff
im feeling soooo restless now luh. The whole house is filled with a lil odour from the paint and daddy is painting his room now, its would be mine next and im sure im gonna be chased outta from the room after this :)


i seriously miss my bitches many many and i dread t shit these days,
idk what the hella is happening t my arse :(
its so oh darn bloody painful !!!! :S
come t mama all of my stools, stop loosing !!
:)
i'll see you tmr my big fat loves <3
i hope it would be a good day.

happy big day my lil love !!!
lil shuan-ny !! you naughty ass , pls be a good boy, a good son and a good brother of mine oook !!!!! :D


i changed the visit date t visit baby t this wed :)
baby,i loved you all along ~
keep breathing cos im not leaving you anymore !!
believe me


ok, bye !

Baby's mom booked the next appointment for me t visit him next friday :) & i realised how lil time im left with t prepare myself for CNY. omfg, im dead i think ! S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y very dead. I haven start anything and the last day of work is only end of this month, by then im like only left with less than a week. Shit !!! I'd then be shopping with those OVER-sized clothings, NO-size ones or the last piece where there's a lil stain here/there or the thread was off etc. Thats really bad and the picture is fully formed above :( Can someone like help me poke this bubble away ?Awwwhh! thanks:S
I really do pray this month t end faster and reason being why is becos i wanna stop working for the time being. I wanna sleep like 23 hours a straight 3 days !! lol :DDD haha
This year is oh-so-not-new-year. The atmosphere is not right somewhere, im not int new year this season and its quite a sad thing t feel that way. Sleeping in new pyjamas, helping daddy t hang those red decorations all over the house, mama replenishing all those yummy goodies, waking up in new clothes top t toe and prepare t fill the whole brand new bag with plentiful of ang-baos used t be love. Maybe cos baby aint here with me this new year, somehow i was affected i think ? The past 3 years was always visiting his relatives places after mine. Then we'd stay there till like almost midnight t play cards and then cont by going t meet up with ka-ki(s) and gamble the entire night. But t be exact, its for the entire whole straight 15 days. These people can really play Black Jack / MJ non-stop and im included :D This seems a lonely CNY for me :(
awhhhh !! baby, you sucked like oh-so-many you A-S-S !! =/
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&
HAPPY BIG DAY JOHNNY!!, you old boy :)

It started pouring sooo heavily suddenly =/ Im soo happy becos im not on schedule tonight for clinic :) like after soooo long, F-I-N-A-L-L-Y !!!!!
plus the rain's sooo heavy, im sure i will be darn late for work if im working. Gotta rush here and there. Meeting yuanping and bf for mahjiong later on, and i aint being a good girl that stick t my plan. I was telling mom that i will head home straight and pack some of my things properly and start clearing them either piling them neatly int my cupboard/drawers w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r-r-r or thrashing and dumping em int the dustbin. AND YESSSSSS, i dint accomplish both ok. cool uh ~ i feel bad, buden i try minimizing the guilt in me by explaining and sent signals t my brain cells that its only tonight that i can relax and mj you know ???? My body nodded :)
okay, L-A-M-E !! omfg. The weather isnt good, i hate rainy days but i dont mind umbrella. I think, its really an efficient tool. Haha, protect you not only from the rain, also from those perverts etc... You know like, just spring it open then poke !!! hahah, okay. I regain my voice and im like oh-so-happy. I can speak with voice already. The past few days was torture ooookkk :(
whines; forgive me once!

Finally after soooo long, i saw baby ytd. Deep inside, im contented with what that's happening now :) Thou it was only short conversations that we convey, i think it was good enough t pull us closer tgt. I dint question about my doubts and idk why my heart dint ache when i saw him. I guess, it was just too used t not having him around and when i saw him ytd, i was like feeling so normal. The feeling wasnt emo, wasnt uncomfortable. It was pleasant.
I slept for less than 3 hours before the visiting. Omfg, and the reason is becos of
M.A.H.J.I.O.N.G !!!!!!
ikea later on after the visit with baby's sister :)

P/s : I've gotta fat baby now, he's 72kg ooookkk
sooooo cute !!!!!

gimme love, gimme L.O.V.E !! this 4-letter looks more annoying than FU** t me nowww!!
idk why but it seems so mucha like one very superbly poison oxygen. Anyone that inhales can easily exhale, sound so simple on the surface but in fact human beings tend t get so addictive, thus getting soooo over-dosed and start over relying on this dumb thing that we need breathe in and out

continuously

t survive and live on another day. Likewise, it reflects on how everyone need love, be it from friends, family, Bf/Gf ?

Need love from love!!

lol, sound so ironic. WTFFF !! Some, are those lucky one that inhaled healthy oxygen and vice versa. And this situation is uncontrollable, it might just happen anytime, anywhere with/or anyone. Some can be so healty and live up t prolly 90 which is slightly more than average and some, dint even have the chance t live a second when they're just born.With some comparison, Its so mucha like love, you tends t really fall for someone that caught your attention outta nowhere in a crowd and would believe that he/she might be the one as he/she's the only face that you will wanna turn for a second look or bleh bleh bleh. Approaching t confront and wanna a step closer by either exchanging contacts or meet out for a coffee date etc, feeling so happy after that when either is accomplished. Humming sweet love songs as you walk home after midnight, forgetting how scary and dark this route used t look, forgetting how bad you was hurt the last relationship, forgetting how hard you last cried last night becos you felt yourself so outta breath. This is how scary love is, its resembles so mucha like a cycle, repeating and repeating.
Maybe at this point in time, you see yourself some much like a complete fool, crying so badly for someone you feel, that dont appreciates. Doing so many harmful things t yourself, either t attract his attention or wanna end your life just becos thats how small your precious life meant. We tends t lose control of our emotions when things dont happen in our way, or when we feel insecure, upset, jealous etc. And when such emotions happens, we couldnt handle the rights and feelings well cos we are tooo emotionally affected. We think that we lost the world, lost everything. We dont eat, dont sleep, cry so badly, drink, smoke or anything that's harmful. For a moment, how we wished that we could stop inhaling this torturous toxic, but we really have t acknowledge the fact that that's how bad we got so dependent on it. Swearing and cursing so badly not t fall in love again, reminding how much you hate the other party that you used t love and almost died for -.-'' Not knowing yall actually taking a step closer t another someone who might be the next-runner-up sooner or later. Until then, when you found that someone, you will see yourself being so happy and lively again, wanting t breathe so much toxic in and out again just becos you wanna live on another second t be able t see him/her, just becos you know you found another reason t move on so you dont wanna die so quickly and totally forgotten you had almost killed yourself just a few hours ago just becos of this toxic that you breathe your past tense and past past tense. Going all out just becos you are feeling so "love?" and not knowing when you are gonna suffer heartaches like before and not preparing t be dumped again. Oh man~ this is shit !
You think LOVE's beautiful ? actually its beauti-FOOL ok!! but, its somehow so funny why many like t be foolssss ??
LOVE IS JUST SO BLIND !!
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OOKK. im making this actually was gonna whine bout how-sick-im-feeling-now-post became sucha impromptu love/life-nonsense post. Tryna act like im miss professional in <3.
omfg, what crap had i sprout ??
idk why i just typed all these but, i think at least, its something memorable and nice which can actually remind me how scary, fragile and similar love and life lookssss. I mean you never know when people found and visit you at your wake ( i mean choy la) but life's just that vulnerable.
Im feeling so feverish now !!!!


lend me a thermometer someone -

Somehow or rather, im still insufficiently impressed with this layout and skin that i try changing but im too lazy t edit it t my expectations. Im staring helplessly into the screen of the monitor, knowing that im only halfway throu my work, i still cant figure out why im dazing around. Nothing seems t be going throu my brains, i feel as thou, imma living body with dead organs bleh bleh. How gross would i then turn t ? lol
Baby's mom informed that im able t visit him on the 14/01 which is the week after next, althou i have been waiting so long and struggling so badly just for this day t come for me to pull myself or maybe this love closer back t where it belongs. I dont see myself being happy for this granted visit, i dont see this joy overwhelming in me. It just seems t be a " oh, ok aunty. " issue t me outta sudden. I couldnt get my thous right and apparently it just seems t look like, either this doesnt matters anymore or i couldnt really be bothered ? And this sounds so mucha like im intoning every single word. lol :)
I used t believe so much that imma weirdo ass that's intractable like the extreme !! It isnt an easy task tryna t influence me with words and a whole lot of girl-you-should-do-this-not-that, this-is-not-worth-it, give-up-on-him bleh bleh bleh kinda words that my gf(s) or any others will say when im feeling low etc. And i realised that i've actually overlooked this issue. Hahaha!!! Frankly, Im feeling soooo insecure that i really wish t run away from reality, from everything becos it all looks so unpromising and fragile.
can i have a great big fat tight hug from somebody plsss ??


some love baby; pls !
MOREEEEE !!!!

the first day of 2008 = staying home :)
and i just helped shaun (that lil dumb bro) of mine t dye his hair t like natural blackkk !! like wtf,black is black ookk, like soo funny. sound as if there's like un-natural black, light black, dark black that kinda of so many black(s) ?? eerrmmm haha. Anyway he's sucha vainpot and cos school's reopening tmr thus he needa like do this-kinda-last-minute-thingy and shout and hurry me non-stop t help him dye his idk what hair style back-t-black lol. oh my lil bro =/
im gonna company baby's father t DB tmr t finish off some paper work in order t be able t visit him the following weeek, and it had been alrd weeks after week weeekkkksss !!!
i hope i dont wet my pants when im in uncle's car, cos its like sooooo idk what??
i nvr tried that the last 4 years, i mean with uncle alone !! i think i will be too shy t untter any nonsense from my mouth and shiver like i got some kinda of electric shock???!!! lol
ok, good luck stella !!
:S