i hate waking up every morning fearing the same old darn thing, i hate receiving the same old treatment here and there. Dont tell me i cant understand, i should this and that. History just kept repeating! it sucks t the max when i see things like that, i feel so caught in the middle. why cant you just get things right ??? I cant seems t understand cos its always so sudden and random. I cant wait and wait pinning hopes on how you will change after so many attempts i tried. F ***

&&&&&&& i realised smth, my blog had been occuiped all about ashton! and thats what makes a mom. ahhahhaa. he's starting t attract my attention straight after milk. omg. he just wants me t cuddle him and make ahh gagaa sounds t hoax him t bed. couple of times when i sing nursery rhymes thousand of timesssssssssss
gosh

home alone like totally. love isnt coming back tonight. he says he's going for mj then work straight which i truely hope so. OK, im far toooo bored ..........

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Geneology - Family photos



&&&&& i just helped ashton tickled his ass-hole and he managed t poo ! yay !!!!

home alone today!! Ashton's sleeping lovely & im checking yahoo t gain info about infant becos ashton's consistency in loosing his bowels decreased and im kinda worried. I brought him t see doc twice and was told t change his formula t comfort for the time being, but the big issue is that the formula is very thickkkkk & the tits of the bottle must be changed t a crossed 'X' one in order t provide a smooth flow of milk. buden AVENT doesnt have one, so i went t get a tollyjoy for the time being, but ashton just doesnt suck. then i went t kiddy palace t buy a brand new pigeon bottle with a 'Y' one. The flow is still kinda slow as the formula is really thick, plus once it gets cooled, it will become even thicker & i have t soaked it into a cup of warm water t make it thinner and this brings the problem.

#1. Ashton will definately scream when i remove the bottle from him
#2. It would be kinda difficult t make him suck again after waiting cos he will be straining himself non-stop
#3. He will be very angry and tryna push the bottle away cos its still quite difficult t get the flow

ps:this formula need like more hot water t dissolve, if not the powder will not dissolve well enough and cover the holes so, i decided t poke more holes t enable a better and faster flow & i get problems again !!!!!!!!!! WTF !!!

#4. Increasing the volume of hot water made me t take more time t prepare the milk, and with the pressure of ashton's screams and cries, its really like wtffffff
#5. After stirring hard t dissolve the powder, i need t run it under tap water t cool it down.
#6. Ashton will sucks so hard that all the milk will spilled from his mouth (cos i poked more holes) & he wasnt able t swallow all tgt
.
.
. &&&&&&&&&&&&&& the cycle will repeated from # 1 - 3 ~! pathetic

& THE DOC SAYS ASHTON'S THE 1ST ONE WHO HAS DIFFICULTIES DRINKING THIS FORMULA, DRINK ALREADY STILL NVR POO !!!!!!!!!!!!! omfg. bang wall

ok, my brb seems long. hhaaha. i just brought ashton t see my doc cos the baby clinic is closed. Doc says that he's perfectly alright so no medicine is needed but he gave me one for stand-by. Lily was really cute when she cuddle with ashton just now. Full of nonsense from her mouth but she got the seh t carry him, maybe cos she's alrdy a mother of 2. she's nice overall :) should be time that i upload the photos cos its really too much alrdy. i just took some more moments ago. bang wall ! love played with ashton ytd and he smiled non-stop. First time ever that he keep smiling and making those errh arrrh whoooo sounds. uber cute ! but too bad i dint captured any of em cos like past midnight not very nice for photo shots. haha. im waiting for love t come home cos he will have his off day tmr and im able t gain some freedom then :) sunday is my only HAPPY DAY ! ashton slept from 3am last night till like this morning 10am. i nearly got a shock cos its like freaking 7 hours w/o milk but he's like fine. just making noises due t his soaked diapers. i kinda forced him his formula cos im afraid he might feel hungry & now he's back in his lala land. reduced long hours of nursing. taking care of him seems easier now, maybe as he grows older. It will get better in time ! my love

just a quick update cos i really think ashton is waking up for milk. moma bought all these thingy for lil darl and spend 300 bucks. haha, my plain laziness is gone so im here t upload the pics. lol -.-' the file is kinda big so i think its gonna take some time t load then i shall cont on ytd then, but ashton's making noises t hint mama that he's gonna wake up & im tying like asap but the faster i wanna t rant, the more errors and backspace i pressed. wtf! haha, thou, ah boy dint aeroplaned me last night, she came with mary and stayed for couple of hours and we did some catching up. lol! brought ashton out ytd evening for dinner. No need t be home alone cos mil need t work OT and asked us t go instead. Made ashton wear his new yellow chicken full set cos its really cute. I bought all 3 designs for him. lol. sleeveless one is at my moma's place and luckily i asked if its there if not i will surely buy one more for him and he's wearing 'M' now. the salesgirl says actually its 'S' , but i told her i wanna get a bigger size cos this lil boy is growing like tttttoooooo fast and now fits into 9-12months clothing. dont wanna waste money soooo fast. Now only like 2 months and all his clothes cant wear !! just bought like 10 new sets for him. lol. at first mil say dont buy, now she keep hurrying me t buy cos can see ashton's belly and she scared ltr wind go inside tummy. hahah. i still many t share but ashton is almost screaming. brb!!!!!!!!!!!

ive got many things t blog but im just feeling plain lazy. love is playing mj &&&& im waiting for my turn. im lazy t take the cable t link those photos from my cam, im lazy t walk out of the room, im lazy t pour myself a cup of iced ribena. wtf right ? ah boy says she coming tmr ! YAH! she better keep her words, if she dare aeroplane me !!!! home alone tmr night as love's family gonna go for aunt's birthday dinner but i dont wanna bring ashton cos abit susa sia. went kiddy palace ytd with moma and she spend like 300 bucks for ashton, i insisted on paying some, lol. but she said no needdd. i captured a few photos on the input! hahah, satisfying ! moma bought ashton a new rocker which is cool laaaa, and it costed like farking 100 bucks. shall upload if my plain lazy says bye. haha

ashton cried soooo badly ytd & my heart skip a beat every cry he made.

dont ever gimme insane shit. stop giving those nonsense cos its really irritating me. play your role well t keep my mouth shut, do what you should t make me ease. wtf
thou im feeling a lil piss by what love did, but overall i did enjoyed my day. went partyworld with sherald and more :) quite disappointed cos i couldnt reach my normal standards of those high pitches etc, but it was funny and fun! lol, back home for like almost 2 hours and love isnt back yet since 2pm that he left the house. wtf, he really knows how t irritates me like F ! ashton's making some noise and tryna attract me t carry him againnnnnnnnn ! ok bye

sometimes i feel like a bad mother, whenever ashton throws his tantrams and doesnt wanna sleep i will get really fustrated when i dint managed t coax him t bed for a freaking 6-8 hours. thinking back, i really need t apply endurance here! :( feeling very sad when i think back how i vent my fustrations cos im really really really tired. i mean REALLY !!! when i wake up after resting for 3 hours, i cant help but t feel bad, real bad!!! sighs. The last few days was bad, but im learning. mom and mother-in-law suggested that i should start putting ashton in infant care from the start of next month so that i could at least have some rest for a few days before i get my ass back t work, but im sooo reluctant t do so !!!! love woke up with me ytd t help t coax ashton and not so bad cos he managed t do so, then we had quite a long talk and im happy that i managed t talk some things out. i hope things will work out well slowly. I seriously need an ample rest ! if not, i can picture myself collasping straight ! hahaha

Ashton's almost fast asleep after his formula. Was just chatting with mother-in-law ytd that time actually flies. So fast ashton's outta of my tummy; 2 months alrdy and now im heading back t work. Was thinking back how much i complained i wanna him t come out of my tummy. HAHA, lil love is getting clever or should i say naughty ? giving his formula must be real fast if not he will push the bottle away from his mouth with his mini tiny but strong hands. lol, & he will cry non-stop refusing t drink despite feeling very hungry. The only way t coax him t drink is t carry him and talk t him and shake him until his cries soften. (shake head) sometimes when the weather's freaking hot, this moment can really kill me omfg! less than 2 months can push the bottle away! imagine when he grows older ??? wahaha! i was concluding that his temper really takes after his father, both sooo hot tempered & almost all agreed. lol remembering how shock both our parents got when ashton just got home the first 2 weeks, he can almost turn himself. just that his head and neck aint strong enough t allow him t succeed. daddy always remind me t take very close attention t him turning cos he ever sees how ashton get angry and kick and kick and turn his body. lol, & he even knows how t give the satisfied look when he finished his formula. omg, he's really brightening our days! haha, i reduced his formula t only 100ml cos of his frequent regurgitation but he doesnt wanna stop, when you take out the bottle he will cry and kick so badly, sometimes i dont even knows if his full or greedy or really still hungry. He drank 220ml straight that day. Infant's caregiver told me its tooo much for him, so t play safe, im staying at only 100ml now & this exchanged for a regular wake-ups and feeding and reduced of regurgitation. The most i will increased t a 130ml when he exceeds his feeds. haha, im chit-chatting all at a go bout lil love, ok. i should stop & im eager for mj ltr at 3 pppppmmmmmmm ! wahhhhhh

i just got home from ashton's infant care. hahah, made confirmation t get ashton registered there & overall i liked the environment there. HAHA~ i stayed there for some observation for almost an hour and i managed t get a chance t see one infant bath! haha, she cried like hella and idk why but the aunty says that babies know how t differentiate the surroundings. Been thinking whether ashton will cry the same as this baby. At first, i thou she was a he. haha opps ! then when i saw her get undress, i was like hahaha, girl laaaa ! -.-'' there's this mycs subsidy and im able t use the CDAC baby bonus card so not so tied for me monthly. jiejie arranged mj for me tmr afternoon at 3pm :) haha, this morning ashton nearly pee on my face, luckily i was half way standing, if not im 100% sure his pee pee will shoot onto my face prolly near my lips. haha, love laughed non-stop. wtf ! i think im gonna change his diapers brand t a cheaper one cos when i was surveying just now, most diapers brand use at the centre is cheaper. Mamy poko is quite expensive for me t refill both at home and at the center. overall, im just really excited cos the babies there are just so cute and during my break time, i can just run over t peek at my lil boy. i feel so at eased somehow.

im pretty bored at home, love went outta with his friends for movie. Ashton just cried so badly that i really dont know how t handle & he stopped when he sucked my shirt. lol, i think new taste for him laaaaaaaa ! -.-'' he's rocking and being rocked t sleep which means i can have some free time for prolly 2 hours :D im starving now and i needa wait for rice to be ready before i tuck in for dinner. tummy aint feeling well buden i just feel greedy, maybe cos im stuck home w/o anything t busy with. Ashton turned 2 months ytd & i only managed t take 3 pictures of him but it was dark due t the flash then he fell asleep so i stopped taking em. i went for mj last night & it was real :D hahaha ! i enjoyed the procedure of enduring cos the outcome really does satisfies me.

things are getting better the way it seems buden i've learn not t get happy and think that everything's fine, cos by then i would not have enough time t take another blow & cry or get depressed again. ashton's sleeping and im wondering why im not? brought him for his injection ytd and he cried soooo loudly. haha! next jab will be this oral sabin 1st dose. day by day, time passes soooo fast. soon, it will be my working days, guess i really have t save alot more for ashton. haha, im so happy that i found him an infant care just behind my clinic. i think nanny will be a strike out for the time being. thou, infant care seems like..... but i think its the best for the time being. The fees are just a lil more expensive than nanny, but the diff is nanny is half day but infant is full. when ashton grows older, i think he can get educated with those eyes, nose, ears etc, plus he can get t know more friends, by then he wont be anti-social. haha. lol ! i always complained t nana that im sooo bored. i miss the old days where i can play and behave like my age & she's always there t calm me down with all her words and make me feel alive again. aunty puay, i missed you ! & wing, im feeling happy for you. i hope you can grab this happiness and make sure it doesnt bring more hurts for you. Im willing t walk this route, standing strong for lil love, he needs me more than anyone. when i see your lil hands and feet grows day by day, nothing can exchange the warmth. It must be this way.

looking outta window took me 2 hours thinking and thinking. tears accompanied my silence, flowing continuously had drained me mentally. i wanna stay outta of these matters cos its making me really tired. i have no time for it, ashton has really eat most of my time. i need some space t rest! breathing seems so hard for me now. idk why??? im turning mute soon, cos ive realised that maybe somehow, i talked t mucha. i concluded that if i cant change anything, then i shall change myself. If i cant take hold and improve anything, i shall improve myself. baby, its sooo hard t try, but its even harder t stand strong:( i shall just act like a mummer. maybe ive been saying tooo much. i should have see this day coming ~ soon, i think im breaking now. i needa find the self i'd lost, i dont enjoy feeling weak and pathetic. hahaaa im gonna stay reserve & reflective for moments. GOOD LUCK!

why whenever things happen, girls can only cry? i feel like being a baby suddenly. idk why but im really stressed up by the surroundings. it seems that idk whats the right step t take next t make let the matter resolve perfectly. its really making me almost bonkers. big sigh! baby, can you teach me whats the right way for us t communicate? can you gimme time t learn a step at a time? or could you even make yourself a lil better cos its really a new chapter that we are moving into. no room for breathing is making me suffocating. & idk why it seems that asking questions had worn me out mentally soooo mucha ? i saw a change in myself, i used t like t know everything, cos im soooo scared of all. but now,i rather not know at all, feeling equally scared.this is killing me and maybe i created a barrier myself. what is it actually all about ? i feel sooo alone and insecure and its always this way. bathing ashton was the first time alone at home w/o any help.
why its so hard for me t control and take hold of the situation for once? i nvr felt like i was important for once. WHY ??????????

im finally done with my new skin.omfg, i spend like 23314363 hours doing the arrangements & xxxxxxx. lol, love and ashton are sleeping now, my tummy are sending signals cos i haven been losing stools for like 3 days, so i needa visit toilet bowl now. jiejie's reaching any moment and im soooo excited. haha, i missed american's next top model last night and when jiejie asked me later bout it, im gonna whine and said i forgot watching cos she reminded me t tell her bout the episode cos she's at bangkok. hahahaha AND I FORGOT !!!
i gotta real shock by ashton just now when i was feeding his formula, omfg he suddenly scream, i mean scream !! when he was almost soundly asleep in my arms, idk why but my heart did skip a beat or two & i feel so insecure for him :(

i've gotta nothing better t do!!! im soooo bored, been surfing this website that bencheng gave me and i watched most of the episodes of the past 超級星光大道. its really nice laaaaaa, and it did ate up my time. hahaha, jiejie is coming back today, wahahha. im prepared t welcome her with alotsa new stuffs. im sure she will get nice goodies for me. hahaha :X ashton's soundly asleep now & im feeling so tired but idk why i just dont wanna t sleep. fb seems t be a lil laggy cos i cant view the pictures properly. idk why, maybe i should tryna log in sometime ltr again. 娛樂百分百 is also like darn hilarious la. the stupid xiaozhu is sooooooo :D can you imagine im bored till this extent ? lol, love says that im like really nothing better t do. lil ashton's shit today was almost green, mama says that he might gotta shock or smth like that, im also not to sure, but i just feel sooo preotective over him. He gave me a superb duper cute smile when i carry him today which made me felt soooo fulfiling. lol & i cant help kissing and pecking him on his cheeks, he always give me the innocent look when you stop playing with him. i told sherald and lily that ashton and me like the 'pok pok pok pok pok pok' game. they cant stop laughing, im bringing ashton t clinic for his 6 in 1 jab this coming friday and i hope that fever doesnt comes visiting him right after. (prays)
i tried searching for nice templates t edit my skin but im just enjoying cont lazing ard thou i found em . wtf stellaaaa !